#190 The thought loop that's sabotaging your business (and life)

Feeling like you're not doing enough, achieving enough, or just not enough? This episode unpacks the thought loop that keeps you stuck in overworking and second-guessing — and shows you how to shift it.

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Link to Music Credits
Track: Positive Motivation
Author: AShamaluevMusic (ASM)
Publisher: CD Baby (IPI 700570289)

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Transcript

Ilonka Ras (00:14.712)
Where is not enough showing up in your life and business? I don't have enough time. I'm not making enough money. I'm not spending enough time with my kids. I'm not productive enough. I don't have enough energy. I'm not good enough. We say these things like they are facts, but they're not. Most of the time, they're just sentences in our brain that we've repeated so many times that we believe them. And the brain left unchecked.

runs in loops. According to Dr. Joe Dispenza, about 95 % of our thoughts today are the same as yesterday. So if you've been thinking, I'm not doing enough or I'm not smart enough, you'll keep thinking it unless you choose something different. Now, sometimes not enough is a fact. If your rent is 7,000 Rand and you only have 500 Rand in your bank account, that's not enough money. 

If it takes 30 minutes to drive somewhere and you only have 10 minutes to get there, that's not enough time. These are measurable, verifiable, and actually very neutral. But that's not what most of us mean when we say not enough. We're not talking about math. We're actually talking about worth. I'm not doing enough. I'm not successful enough. I'm not far enough along.

I'm not a good enough mom, partner, leader. These are not facts. They are actually thoughts, judgments, opinions, assumptions, and we rarely pause to ask if they are true or even helpful. Now coaching helps you to unravel these thoughts so that you can see how they impact your life and business and so that you can release them, learn how to think new thoughts that serve the life and business you want to create.

One of the tools I use with my clients is called the model and it helps you to understand how one thought, like I'm not enough, ends up shaping your entire day, week or business. The model has five parts to it. The first part is circumstances. These are the neutral, provable facts that happen in the day to day. The second component of the model is thoughts. What you make those facts, the circumstances mean.

Ilonka Ras (02:43.49)
Thirdly, we have feelings, and these are the emotions that the thought creates in your body. Then we have actions, and this is what you do or don't do when you feel that emotion. And then lastly, we have results, and these are the outcomes your actions produce. So let's say the circumstantial fact is that you have not completed all of the tasks on your to-do list this week. You may have a thought like, I'm not doing enough.

This leaves you feeling inadequate. And because you feel inadequate, you overwork, you skip breakfast or lunch, you take on more than you can actually handle. Maybe you even procrastinate on the higher level work that you know needs to happen. The result is you feel even more behind and disconnected, which reinforces the original thought, I'm not doing enough. Can you see it? The thought creates the result that proves the thought true. Not because they are true.

but because your actions, how you showed up, created results that matched that belief. And now you are stuck in this loop. But once you can see the loop, once you have the awareness of how this one thought impacts everything in your day, you are able to shift it quite quickly. This is the power of self-awareness. If you change the thought, you actually interrupt the cycle. When the thought, I'm not enough, or I don't have enough is running the show,

it will always show up in what you're doing in your day to day. 

Ilonka Ras (04:22.84)
You don't launch the offer because you think it's not ready. You don't race because you haven't earned it.

Ilonka Ras (04:34.05)
You don't rest because you think you haven't earned it. You say yes to that project even though you don't have capacity because you think it proves something. And even though you actually are highly competent, you still feel like you're falling short. Not because you are, but because you've trained your brain to think you are. Now here's why this matters. You cannot build a sustainable, ease-filled business from a place of not enough. Because when not enough is your fuel,

you're always pushing to prove you are enough. The problem is the goalpost keeps moving. We often can't even tangibly say what it would look like to be enough. And this is because enough isn't a circumstance, it's a decision. 

Ilonka Ras (05:48.854)
And until you make the decision that it is enough, you will take breaks but still feel guilty for not doing more. You will hit your goals and then not even take the time to celebrate it properly. Now once you can see how your thoughts of not enough is impacting your life, the next question on your mind is probably, okay, so how do I change this? How do I stop thinking this thought? The answer is to question it. A client once said to me,

I'm not good enough at managing my time, so we questioned that thought. I asked her, are you on time for your client sessions? Yes. Do you get your kids to school on time? Yes. Do you make it to your hair appointments, school meetings, workouts on time? Yes. So it isn't true that you don't manage your time well.

Ilonka Ras (06:43.276)
It's actually more true that you're avoiding things you don't want to do, or you haven't figured out how to manage your time around the things that actually drain you. My client realized that what she was telling herself about time and how she manages it hasn't been true at all. It was more useful for her to say, I haven't figured out how to manage my time around things I don't enjoy. 

Ilonka Ras (07:14.976)
This clarity actually gave us something to work with. And it also doesn't feel as heavy as I'm not good at managing my time. And when it comes to these thoughts of not enough, you don't need to understand where the story started. You don't need to go back in your childhood or past experiences to figure out where this came from, unless you really want to. There is value in that as well, but you don't need to. You just need to know how it's operating right now.

See how it's driving your decisions now. See how it makes you feel now. See how it shapes the way you show up today. And then choose whether you wanna keep that thought or not. We have the option of choosing new thoughts. But before we can choose new thoughts, we need this thought to loosen its grip on us. And we do this by simply questioning the thought. Your thoughts literally shape the structure of your brain. Your brain physically changes with the thoughts you think often.

New thoughts will create new neural pathways, which will lead to new default settings. And over time, this will rewire your brain. Your brain will want to default to the old loop. This is totally normal. But the more you practice shifting your attention to a more useful thought, the easier it will get. So here's what I want to leave with you today. Where do you believe you are not enough? And is it really true? 

Ilonka Ras (08:49.986)
What would you do today, this week, if you didn't believe that thought? Now you can't control every circumstance.

Ilonka Ras (09:02.6)
You can't control every circumstance, but you do get to choose your thoughts, the meanings you give the circumstances in your life. And that is where everything changes. 

Ilonka Ras (09:24.108)
If you are ready to shift your mindset and think better thoughts so that you can achieve your goals, book a consultation at the link in the show notes and let's discuss how I can help you do just that. Thank you so much for joining me today. I will see you again next week.